A New Beginning…Again.

“Subconscious self-sabotage” seems to be a common theme in the events of my life lately, and of course, I don’t notice I’ve been doing it until after the fact when I’m questioning why and how these particular events happened to me. But then, in a funny way, I end up learning it was a good thing I experienced these particular events.

Over the past week or so I have experienced one of these “subconscious self-sabotage” moments. As it always does, it started with me thinking I was doing well followed by a series of mistakes and bad choices. Then a few days later I woke up in an ambulance not knowing my own name, soaked in my own piss, to which I was then hospitalized for four days. It turned out I had experienced two back-to-back seizures caused by alcohol withdrawals. Thankfully, I have been healing quickly from my injuries. Though, I am now in need of long-term housing. I did receive amazing support from the counselors and social workers while I was at the hospital. They helped me get a temporary home with a short-term support housing group. Over the next few weeks, I will be working with counselors and support workers to see about getting into a longer-term housing situation along with a recovery plan.

This is where that funny part comes in. Because I had experienced these painful and tough events over the past week I now find myself in a much better situation and on a better path than I was a couple of weeks ago. Back then I thought I was doing well and it probably looked like it, but now looking back on it I think I was lying to myself. I have been wanting to go back to how things used to be for me, but in reality, those days are done. I need to move on and I think my subconscious was helping me.

P.S. The image with this post was taken from my bed while I was in the hospital. Even though I had to spend four days in the hospital I had a decent view.